Where The Heart Is...

All Around China

Philip Hayden and Days 1 and 2 in Fushun

Days 2, 3, and 4 in Fushun

Until I See You Again (In the States)

As I’ve seen the lives of the orphans now, I’ve put that into a God-perspective and I understand more of what it means to be an adopted child of God. He wanted to choose me as His daughter, just like I want to choose so many of the orphans to be mine, only He wanted me much more than I could ever want any of the children at the orphanage. The paperwork for my adoption was already finalized and signed (by Christ) long before I was even born! What an amazing Father we have! How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! (1 John 3:1)

I am so glad that the eight members of my team were overflowing with the Spirit of God so that each child we came in contact with could experience His love. It’s the love that sent Christ to the earth, the love that led Him to the cross where He suffered and died for every sin, the love that opened the only gate to Heaven, and the love that saves all those who believe in His name.

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE HIS ONE AND ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHALL NOT PERISH BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.
John 3:16

In the two and a half years of my Christian life, God has never tugged at my heart the way He did in China. Both the compassion and pain that I felt for all the children was Him. He surprised me by appearing in places I didn’t think He’d be. I went with full intentions of ministering to the children and showing them God’s love. I wasn’t expecting that God would show up in the kids and use them to minister to me. Also, it’s usually only after a time of reflection that I’m able to recognize God working. But I was aware of Him moving right in the moment on this trip. He completely broke my heart for the children – His children! This trip really was a gift from Him, one of the most incredible gifts I've ever received! I view it, not as a one-time mission, but as an eternal adventure that I’m continuing to live each day.

Though I’m back in the States now, my heart is still at the orphanage. And it’s hard to leave your heart in a country that is over 6000 miles away. This pain of separation that I've experienced is unlike any other pain I've felt before. I miss the children terribly! It's been very difficult to sit here and not be able to hold them like I find myself wanting to do so much. But I know I have to cling to the promise in Romans 8:28. The Lord works all things for good! I don’t know how, but that’s what He does! Even the kids were singing that!

I hope that one day God will allow me to see them again. Until then, I will continue to think of them and pray for them daily. It will be hard not to. And now, more than ever, I long to seek out His will for my life, to find out if He is leading me back there to work for a long-term mission.

I surely do!

Although I'm not with my team anymore and we’re all spread out across the country, I still feel their love and support in a powerful way. They’re still making me laugh, and when I find myself questioning God’s ways about the children’s lives, they bring me back to His Word and allow me to search for Him once more. Even if I never see any of them again, I know that for at least 10 days of our lives, we were all called together by God to be His hands and feet, and love on the orphans!

Thank God there are no goodbyes in Christ!

Here's the poem I wrote while traveling around Beijing on our last day:


RECKLESS LOVE

I saw the face of God
In an orphan child today.
I couldn't speak his language,
But I loved him anyway.

It's a love that crosses cultures,
And can break down any wall.
It brought me here to China
When the Lord gave me His call.

I held this child in my arms;
He wouldn't let me go.
I looked into His brown eyes,
And my heart began to grow.

And then another orphan
Came right up to my side.
She was searching for the comfort
To dry the tears she'd cried.

I held her hand and smiled,
And gently stroked her face.
I prayed she'd find His love,
And fall into His warm embrace.

If it was in my Father's will,
I'd take these kids with me.
I'd bring them to His loving arms
For all eternity.

I want them as my children,
But God has a different plan,
A plan to make them prosper,
Though I cannot understand.

No one knows the paths they'll take,
Or where their lives will turn,
But we still offer them His hope
And love which they can't earn.

For life comes down to just one thing:
To know our Lord above.
We lift our hands and give our hearts,
And share His precious love.

We're called to be His servants.
We're called to be His hands,
To bring them closer to His heart,
And to the Promised Land.

There always will be pieces
Of my broken heart left here.
These priceless gifts in China
Will remain forever near.

One More Day (Last Day In China)

Our day back in Beijing was full of more shopping and touring. My mind was still on the children and I remember wishing I was back at the orphanage, holding them and comforting them. And I thought to myself that I didn’t want the gifts I bought. Instead, I wanted to bring all those kids home with me and provide them with the family they have been craving for so long. I wanted to trade everything I got, even just for one child. Throughout the day, I just couldn’t help but think of all the kids. Every time we got back on our bus, I pulled out a pen and paper and wrote a little part of a poem. I thought it would be a good distraction to make my brain think of rhyming words instead of focusing on how much I missed them. It didn't work too well. But despite all the sadness, I still enjoyed seeing all the fun sites we visited.

Early in the morning, we went to the Temple of Heaven and saw many of the local people doing their daily exercises around the park. Some of us even joined them in playing the games.

Bob and Pat just wanted to look at the paddles, and they got an invitation to play a little.

John was a pro and caught all the rings on his neck! Way to go!

Dancing in the Temple of Heaven? Okay!

We are connected at the neck (by the ring).
P.S. Yea for the Olympic rings!

After our time there, we drove about two hours to see a section of the Great Wall. Melissa and I climbed to the top and gave our legs a workout. We had great conversations on the way up and counted all 1615 uneven steps on the way down. It was awesome! Exercise really does relieve your sad mood! We should all thank God for giving us endorphins!

Made in China... ha ha!

It was tiring, but we enjoyed it!

On our way back, we stopped at the Jade and Pearl Factory. Both places were beautiful! I’ve always loved jade, but never was a huge fan of pearls… until I saw them in China, that is. Now, I love them! The white pearl means purity, the purple pearl means romance and the pink pearl means happiness. I forgot what the black pearl means. And I wonder what the blue pearl would mean if they had one. :-) Afterward, we finished shopping at the Pearl Market and then headed to an acrobatic show that evening.

Our last dinner in China was McDonalds, but it was fine because we could have either gone to nice restaurant or completed the night with a team time. I certainly preferred the second choice… and that’s what we did. We had our last devotion – a time to debrief and share more of what God had been doing with each of us on the trip.

The next morning at breakfast was our last time together. Sad times, I know. It was NOT fun at all! It’s never been easy for me to say goodbye, especially when I am attached to certain people or places (just in case you didn't know). And within three days I had to leave the children, my team and China – pretty much NO BUENO! I was glad to have gone back to the States with half the team, but it would have been nice if we all just... hmmm... maybe... I don't know... stayed there in China?!?!

This family of one, united by heart
God had this planned right from the start